(Week 16) Miami Dolphins vs. Kansas City Chiefs

(6-9)

(9-6)

VS.

Recap: Chiefs 29 Dolphins 13

Would you look at that!? The Chiefs actually didn't play down to their competition! As crazy as it sounds, the choking storm for the Chiefs may be over. Every part of this Chiefs team looked competent, and there were some serious flashbacks to their win over the Patriots in Week One. The Dolphins proved once again that tight-ends are their kryptonite, unable to stop a blazing-hot meteorite in the form of Travis Kelce. Alex Smith and Kareem Hunt proved they are a QB/RB combination to fear this January. Tyreek Hill was a one man receiving machine, a proverbial Rembrandt when it comes to keeping his feet in bounds, making catches that would make the average Dolphins receiver say "screw it" and hit up the Miami club scene instead. Even the Chiefs defense had a stellar day, forcing multiple fumbles and making the offensive line look like filet o'fish. If the CHIEFS DEFENSE plugs you, you know your offense needs work. Contrags, Dolphins. You continue to disappoint a fanbase still longing for the days of Bob Griese and Dan Marino to return in the form of...SOMEBODY competent. Enjoy being stuck with Cutler for another season...or Tannehill. But, then again, both fates sound pretty terrible. Say, is Aaron Rodgers sitting around anywhere?

(Week 16) Detroit Lions vs. Cincinnati Bengals

(8-7)

(6-9)

VS.

Recap: Bengals 26 Lions 17

And that was the day the Lions sunk to mediocrity yet again. Suffice to say, I was rooting for the Lions to come on strong this year. Matt Stafford may have enough money now to purchase a third-world country, but he still goes out there every week like he cares. Meanwhile, Andy Dalton checked out two years ago. How does this happen? Two words: second half. A back-and-forth affair between two competent offenses, where the Bengals overcame a slow start (including an ATROCIOUS interception) to gain the 9 point edge with less than two minutes remaining. Cincinnati simply went ahead at the right time, and nothing the Lions could've done would've made a difference. 

(Week 16) Minnesota Vikings vs. Green Bay Packers

(12-3)

(7-8)

VS.

Recap: Vikings 16 Packers 0

Some claim that Green Bay relies on Aaron Rodgers to bail them out of tight spots. Some claim the Packers offense relies on him entirely. Some even claim the Packers front office is a gaggle of lemmings pretending to be team managers. I'm here to tell you, that you're ALL right. This game basically confirmed everything we know to be true about Green Bay, and I'm not trying to be salty merely because I'm a Vikings fan. The Packers looked like the worst team in the NFC last Saturday, and I can't think of a Christmas present more appropriate for a front office that props Aaron Rodgers on the football field like the Christmas tree from Charlie Brown before putting him back on IR. As for the rumors about Rodgers switching teams...please. Personally, I want him to stay in Green Bay, just so I can laugh when Packers fans call every win a "team effort." As for the Vikings, the offense seemed a little sluggish in subzero temps, but the defense was like a frozen pool, making an abysmal Packers offense look like a drunk father trying to dive in. You don't need many points to record a rare shutout victory. The tides are a turnin' in the NFC North, and with an underachieving Eagles squad the only team ahead of them in the seeding, it looks like the NFC Championship is there for the Minnesota's taking. #skol

(Week 16) Indianapolis Colts vs. Baltimore Ravens

(3-12)

(9-6)

VS.

Recap: Ravens 23 Colts 16

Conglaturation, Baltimore (Ravens)! You actually made the Colts NOT look like fetid manure. Ravens, you may have scored a win against the NFL's equivalent of a second bye-week, and you may be one step closer to playoff glory...but seriously? You struggled against the Colts? After your defense made Matt Stafford your bitch back in November, I was praying for Jacoby Brissett in this game, but you barely made a dent in their offensive line! Thankfully for you, even without pressure, the Colts offense rides on field goals from Adam Vinatieri and on-off performances from Frank Gore. Not even a blocked punt can get the Colts anywhere near the End Zone. Have fun in January, Ravens, and pray Alex Smith doesn't show up that day.

(Week 15) Atlanta Falcons vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

(9-5)

(4-10)

VS.

Recap: Falcons 24 Buccaneers 21

What do you get when a team who chokes in the second half matches up with a team that surges in the second half? A pretty intriguing game. The Falcons managed to stay one step ahead, thanks to a phenomenal running effort from Devonta Freeman and a beautiful 50+ yard FG from Matt Bryant, but crucial mistakes kept the Bucs alive late in the game. The aformentioned Freeman fumbled twice, and the Bucs kept Matt Ryan's lightning pass game bottled up. Jameis Winston finally emerged from the cobwebs with a 3 TD game, and his chemistry with Mike Evans and O.J Howard was on point. The Falcons emerged victorious, but the Bucs looked decent in defeat. Aside from that fumble in the Red Zone in the second quarter, of course.

(Week 15) Dallas Cowboys vs. Oakland Raiders

(8-6)

(6-8)

VS.

Recap: Cowboys 20 Raiders 17

The Cowboys and Raiders in Week 15 on Sunday night football? If it was 2016, I'd be freaking out right now. A battle between two QB's who have fallen back to the Earth this season, Derek Carr and Dak Prescott, to determine who is the least mediocre of them all. The Cowboys may have pulled a few succesful drives together, but the Raiders have the ball in the Red Zone with a chance to win it all, or at least tie it up. Thankfully for the Cowboys, neither would happen, and Derek Carr would give Jerry Jones an early Christmas present in the form of a touchback off a botched quarterback sneak. Enjoy your lucky victory Cowboys: you still have a hell of a battle ahead if you want to play a game in January. Until then, tell Prescott that the guys in different uniforms are NOT your receivers. He was lucky to only get picked off once... 

(Week 15) Tennessee Titans vs. San Francisco 49ers

(8-6)

(4-10)

VS.

Recap: 49ers 25 Titans 23

How am I supposed to feel here? Elation for Jimmy Garoppolo and a resurging 49ers squad? Sadness for Marcus Mariota? The 49ers continue to build momentum...about 9 games too late. I have to admit, even I teared up a little bit watching the 49ers sideline celebrate at the end. The 49ers may still live and die on Robbie Gould's shoulders, but at least Garoppolo can put the ball in the Red Zone. Close but no cigar for Mariota...I sound like a broken record. The Titans love to live on the edge, and it bit them hard in the backside on Sunday. I hope the 49ers have a long offseason to develop some of their new tools, because who knows what the NFC West will look like next year? If the Rams can surge, so can the 49ers. It's a changing of the guard in the NFC West, and I can't wait.

(Week 15) New England Patriots vs. Pittsburgh Steelers

(11-3)

(11-3)

VS.

Recap: Patriots 27 Steelers 24

And now, we address the elephant in the room. As expected, these two AFC heavyweights duked it out on every side of the ball. Ben Roethlisberger and Tom Brady were on point, while Rex Burkhead and Le'Veon Bell put yardage on their cleats. The Steelers defense was surprisingly competent against an offense that usually jobs them out, even forcing their first interception against the Pats since the 2005 season. Unfortunately, the Steelers still fell short against their eternal postseason kryptonite, although not without controversy. I'm not the biggest Pittsburgh fan in the world, but I can feel sympathy for any team that gets robbed. Folks, there are no ifs or buts about it: the Steelers got robbed. Apparently, you have to break the laws of physics in order to actually score something nowadays, and Jesse James failed to keep the football from moving two inches once he hauled it in. If that wasn't enough, I absolutely LOVED the fake spike play call...but why on EARTH do you throw up the middle? Have you learned nothing from Super Bowl 49?! These Patriots may have escaped Heinz Field with the W, but we all know the Steelers won't take this loss easy. Expect a January clash like no other, ladies and gentlemen. 

(Week 15) L.A Rams vs. Seattle Seahawks

(10-4)

(8-6)

VS.

Recap: Rams 42 Seattle 7

I often say that any team that can beat the Seahawks at home should climb into telephone booths and be weak to kryptonite. I hope Lois Lane is up for a speed dating session. The Rams completely decimated the Seahawks in every facet of the game. Jared Goff and Todd Gurley plowed through the Legion of Derp, the Rams defense made the Seahawks offensive line look like a nativity set, Johnny Hekker pinned the Hawks deep all day long, and Pharoh Cooper gave the Rams good starting position after every kickoff. Let's make one thing especially clear; the Hawks offensive line BLED on Sunday. Seven sacks, a fumble, and a safety off a BLATANT intentional grounding call. The loss of Cam Chancellor and Richard Sherman was especially apparent in this game, and now the injury-riddled Seahawks are gonna have to bounce back in the worst way if they want to make a splash in January. Rams, see you in the NFC Championship game.

(Week 15) Philadelphia Eagles vs. New York Giants

(12-2)

(2-12)

VS.

Recap: Eagles 34 Giants 29

As I sat watching the Dolphins get clobbered by a surging Bills team, I continually checked the scoreboard to keep track of the other games. Everytime the score of this game popped up, my heart would skip a beat. Everyone knew it would be a struggle for the Eagles when Wentz went down (say that three times fast), but to play comptetitively against the NFC's Cleveland Browns? One must give credit where credit is due, however; Eli Manning looked like his old self out there, while Sterling Shepherd and Evan Engram played ball against a stout Eagles defense. Nick Foles, however, also revived a past version of himself, with 4 TD passes and no interceptions. The Eagles proved they can win without Wentz, but they'll have to be more competitive than this if they want to make it past the NFC Divisional Round. Heck, the Giants almost won on that final drive! 

(Week 15) Arizona Cardinals vs. Washington Redskins

(6-8)

(6-8)

VS.

Recap: Redskins 20 Cardinals 15

The collapse into mediocrity continues for the Arizona Cardinals, as they struggled against a Redskins team already miring in the swamplands of an inevitable 8-8 season. UrinatingTree refers to Blaine Gabbert as "noodle arms," a name he lived up to with three fumbles and an interception. Both teams struggled to find the end zone all game, with the Cardinals only points coming from field goals. Not much to say here, just your average arm-flailing contest between two career backup QBs with no playoff implications whatsoever. If a meaningless game happens in December, does it make a noise? Just barely. 

(Week 15) Houston Texans vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

(4-10)

(10-4)

VS.

Recap: Jaguars 45 Texans 7

Surprise, surprise, the Jacksonville Jaguars defense made the Houston offense look like a group of elemntary schoolchildren pretending to be a football team. All the while, Blake Bortles is beginning to look like a legitimate quarterback, complemented by an amazing run game not feeling the lack of Leonard Fournette. Congratulations Jags, you've emerged from the eternally weak AFC South as legitimate AFC Championship contenders. While beating around a team sorely missing a QB like DeShaun Watson is not the most impressive feat, you will certainly be a team to watch come January. These are the games that make the Jags so hard to prepare for. How do you want to die, the blade or the shield? Apparently, the Texans chose both.

(Week 15) New York Jets vs. New Orleans Saints

(5-9)

(10-4)

VS.

Recap: Saints 31 Jets 19

The predicted outcome...although I have to give credit where it's due. The Jets defense kept things tight early on, forcing three turnovers on a sputtering Saints squad still reeling from Sean Payton's antics last Thursday night. Luckily for the Saints, Bryce Petty is the worst thing to happen to New York since Hurricane Sandy, and the Jet's offense stagnated for most of the game. Meanwhile, Mark Ingram spat acid fuel all over the Jet's defensive line, including on a 50 yard TD run towards the end of the game. The Jets playoff hopes are all but dashed at this point, but I must say they did better than anyone thought they would do. Meanwhile, the Saints continue to climb the ladder to a hotly contested NFC South title. Watch out NFC; these Saints are ready to march to another Super Bowl victory.

(Week 15) Baltimore Ravens vs. Cleveland Browns

(8-6)

(0-14)

VS.

Recap: Ravens 27 Browns 10

Y'know, crapping on Cleveland is getting kinda old, so I'm gonna focus on what they did right each week instead. Isaiah Crowell is a stud at running back, and he thread the needle in the Ravens defensive line multiple times to great effect. The Red Zone defense is stiff, and limited Baltimore to only two offensive TD's. With that out of the way, let's address the elephant in the room...the Browns passing game SUUUUUUUUCCKS. I'm gonna feel bad for the best quarterback in college football when the bowl season is over, because you know their careers are gonna bite the dust in the factory of sadness like Kizer's is right now. Yes, the Baltimore defense has been outstanding this season, but Kizer threw his 18th interception this year in this game. 18!? His interception count can legally drive! It's at the age of friggin' consent! The Cleveland Browns are well on their way to an 0-16 season, and that's terrifying. As for the Ravens, they continue to win the easy games and look poised for a wild card spot. They better hope for the five seed, because Jacksonville, New England, or Pittsburgh will chew them up and spit them out. 

(Week 15) Green Bay Packers vs. Carolina Panthers

(7-7)

(10-4)

VS.

Recap: Panthers 31 Packers 24

If you have a welcome home party for anyone you know, don't invite the Panthers to it. Yikes. The score may have been close, but don't be mistaken: this is NOT the return Aaron Rodgers was looking for. In fact, this was the worst case scenario. The Panthers defense hits hard, with guys like Luke Keuchly and Thomas Davis who aren't afraid to decapitate any hapless receivers they bump into. This was also an away game. Kinda hard to get pumped for Rodgers return when the crowd wants his head on a plate. Cam Newton and the Panthers offense had no problem running over the cardboard cutouts in the Green Bay secondary. Not even the refs were on the Packers side in this one; how on Earth do you call Damiere Byrd's catch in the third quarter a TD and not Jesse James' in the New England/Pittsburgh game? The NFL rulebook is like Mandy's smile from Grim Adventures; rarely followed, and when it is, it tears the very fabric of the universe to shreds. Rodgers did manage to throw 3 TD passes, and the Packers special teams managed to recover a late onside kick...but following in his former NFC North rival Jay Cutler's footsteps, he threw an interception on the next friggin' play. His THIRD THAT DAY. Welcome back, A-Rodg. Not even you can save this season.

(Week 15) Cincinnati Bengals vs. Minnesota Vikings

(5-9)

(11-3)

VS.

Recap: Vikings 34 Bengals 7

Nothing much to see here, just your run of the mill ransacking of the Bengals by a superior team. Case Keenum channeled Brett Favre for some of the best passing in a purple jersey since 2009. The Purple People eaters chowed down on the Cincinnati offense, limiting the Bungles to only 8 first downs and 161 total yards. The big stories coming out of this game, however, transcended the field of play. Marvin Lewis, longtime coach of the Bengals and former NFL Coach of the year, announced his intent to leave the organization at the conclusion of the season, which may be why they played like absolute trash here. Meanwhile, Teddy Bridgewater made his emotional return to the field after the injury that took him out for a season...only to throw an interception on his first throw. Oh well, it was still nice to see. Minnesota has cliched the NFC North, and without Wentz, the future of the Eagles seems up in the air. The NFC playoff race is heating up: get the popcorn.

(Week 15) Los Angeles Chargers vs. Kansas City Chiefs

(7-7)

(8-6)

VS.

Recap: Chiefs 30 Chargers 13

The Chiefs have finally stopped the bleeding. You know your team is struggling when the CHARGERS are challenging you for a playoff spot, but thankfully, the crisis has been averted. The game looked like it could go either way in the first half, but Phillip Rivers decided to give the game away with three interceptions in the second half. Kareem Hunt revived the running game for the Chiefs with two rushing TDs, and Alex Smith found the Book of Secret Arts, giving his attack a 500 point boost. Sad to see all of the Chargers momentum halted like this, but as insane as it sounds, they still have a chance to take this incredibly weak division. Win the next two, hope the Chiefs choke again, and enjoy getting crushed in the wild card round by Baltimore, Buffalo, or Tennessee. 

(Week 15) Chicago Bears vs. Detroit Lions

(4-10)

(8-6)

VS.

Recap: Lions 20 Bears 10

The Lions remain alive in the tough NFC wild card hunt with a comfortable home victory over the Chicago Bears. Matthew Stafford continues to carry the Lions offense on his 9-figure paycheck back while the running game continues to crumble. At first glance, the Lions have a capable defense...but then you'll realize they're playing the Bears and forget all about it. Despite two turnovers in the third quarter, Trubiskey had one of his better games. Consistency is his issue; in one play, he'll convert 3rd and 18 on a perfect throw on a slant route. The next, he'll overthrow the ball by a Willis Tower margin and get picked off in the end zone. The Lions need a Falcons loss to keep their playoff pipe dream alive, but they've also got a tricky schedule ahead. I might be a Vikings fan, but I can't help but root for this team. Even with the massive paycheck, Stafford remains humble and vocal on the field. If they can improve the running game, they could still be a postseason threat...stop laughing!

(Week 15) Denver Broncos vs. Indianapolis Colts

(3-11)

(5-9)

VS

Recap: Broncos 25 Colts 13

Is this season of the NFL a bore? Well, have this Thursday night game as punishment for going against the borg. A battle between glue factories is the best the NFL can do on Thursday nights this late in the season? Christ. The Colts managed to sneak defeat from the hands of victory once again with a shoddy defensive performance in the second half against a suddenly capable Broncos offense. Siemian may have gone down, but thankfully 2015 Oz Brockweiler finally reemerged with 2 TD passes and a rushing TD. The Denver defense continues to be the only consistently good thing about this team; they need a passing and rushing game almost as bad as Indianapol...oops, awkward. Boy, these Thursday night games have been lousy this year...

(NEW ERA FIELD EDITION: Week 15) Miami Dolphins vs. Buffalo Bills

(6-8)

(8-6)

The Experience: In this special edition post, I'm gonna review a stadium and city I've travelled to multiple times: New Era Field in Orchard Park, NY. For starters, New Era Field is not a stadium you should visit in the first few weeks of the season; if the snow isn't reaching your nose, don't bother going. You won't get the authentic experience. It's just one week shy of Buffalo's frigid victory over the Colts, and snow still blaneketed the stadium in white. In fact, my seat was covered in slush. Even sitting on a blanket, you'll feel like you went swimming in Lake Erie once the fourth quarter rolls around. You've had swamp-ass? Try glacial-ass.

New Era Field stands upon the ashes of what was once Lake Erie's most profitable cities. It rises out of the ground like a phoenix; a timeless tribute to the days of small-town ball. With small-town ball comes small-town fans, and Buffalo has them in droves. Buffalo may be the least valued team in the NFL, in terms of worth, but the sheer amount of red-and-blue I saw merely entering the stadium would suggest otherwise. The Bills represent a lot more than just Buffalo; they represent all of upstate New York, from Rochester to Albany, and are truly New York's football team. For the last time, NEW YORK DOESN'T ALWAYS MEAN NEW YORK CITY, but I digress.

Buffalo fans are like trucks; big, frightening, and during Upstate winters, full of salt. One may say this fanbase is cancerous, but I prefer to say passionate. It's no secret that the Buffalo Bills fans have a bad reputation, but I have to counter. My experience, as a neutral Vikings fan, was great. In fact, I sat in front of a myriad of Bills fans complimenting them. Whenever the Bengals-Vikings score popped up on the jumbotron, they cheered with me. Sure, there were a few crazies here and there (a trio of bearded guys in the end zone had their shirts off in 15 degree temperature), but nothing out of the ordinary. 

I guess some things do change in the City of Light. Years ago, when I wasn't old enough to go to games, my Mom got confronted by a ten year old who threatened to "wipe his ass" with her Miami jersey. 

My advice for non-Bills fans? Stay neutral. 

As a final note, the Bills theme is actually pretty catchy. Anything is better than the trash that is the Miami Dolphins theme.
Recap: Bills 24 Dolphins 16
Remember how the Dolphins beat the Patriots last week? Well, throw all of that momentum out the window. Jay Cutler came back down to Earth with 2 interceptions and a few dropped balls, while the running game stalled like a truck on Interstate 90. The Dolphins defense made Tyrod Taylor look competent, while allowing LeSean McCoy to break the 10,000 career rush yards marker.
One of the best parts about watching football games live is you get to pick what you want to watch, so I decided to focus on Adam Gase, which turned out to be comic gold. When the Dolphins do something right, he fist pumps like they won the AFC Championship; when they screw up, he acts like Sally from Charlie Brown and throws a temper tantrum. Miami made things interesting towards the end, after a few questionable calls (that drew a few well-aimed snowballs from the crowd) helped them get in the end zone. They even recovered the subsequent onside kick...only for Cutler to pull a...Cutler, and throw a game ending interception nowhere near his intended receiver. Was this game worth getting glacial-ass for? Not really.

(Week 13) Indianapolis Colts vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

(3-9)

(8-4)

VS.

RECAP: Jaguars 30 Colts 10

The Jaguars may have played down to their competition against the Cardinals, but they had no problem trouncing their divisional rival in the Colts. The Jaguars hit every point they needed to. Staunch defense? Check. The running game? On point. Unpredictable special teams? You betcha'. Bortles? No interceptions! This win proves that the Jaguars can win the little ones just like they can the big ones. Meanwhile, the Colts can't win ANY ones. He may have the Patriots listed on his  resume, but Jacoby Brissett is not the Tom Brady the Colts are looking for in Andrew Luck's replacement. The Colts continue to rely on older talent, and that showed today against a young Jaguars squad. 

(Week 13) Houston Texans vs. Tennessee Titans

(4-8)

(8-4)

VS.

RECAP: Titans 24 Texans 13
The Texans looked relatively competent on Sunday...at least for the first half. Once again, it takes Marcus Mariota two quarters to realize he's playing football. The Titans got their revenge against a team that demolished them earlier in the season. DeShaun Watson continues to be the void in Houston's offense; he would've marched all over Tennessee's poor excuse of a defense. We seem to be rapidly approaching a Tennessee/Jacksonville faceoff to determine the AFC South championship...get the popcorn.

(Week 13) Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Green Bay Packers

(4-8)

(6-6)

VS.

RECAP Packers 26 Buccaneers 20 OT

Let's get one thing straight here; Brett Hundley didn't win this game. If you're a Tampa Bay fan, that's not what you want to hear. Sure, the Bucs kept things close until the end, but if you're struggling against the Packers defense and special teams, you know you're not a good football team. Famous Jameis Winston got a good amount of help from Mike Evans and Cameron Brate, which at least took things to overtime. Only for Hundley and Aaron Jones to lead a game winning drive to the end zone. I'll give them credit; the Packers have stayed together quite nicely without Aaron Rodgers. The Pack is gonna have to do more than rely on the other team fumbling if they want a playoff spot, however.

(Week 13) Minnesota Vikings vs. Atlanta Falcons

(10-2)

(7-5)

VS.

RECAP: Vikings 14 Falcons 9

A 1998 NFC Championship rematch, and a surprisingly quiet one. Quiet, but good. A defensive showdown, in which the Viking's long history of good defense paid dividends here. Only three FG's, from what was the best offense in the league last season?! Can't blame the Falcons though; they moved the ball when they had to, even converting a few fourth downs early on. What the Vikings lack in starpower, however, they make up for in teamwork. The defense delivered as usual, while Latavius Murray put even more miles on his cleats. Keenum wasn't as explosive as usual, but he had the defense and run game to back him up.  Not too much to say here; just a well fought game between two sure-fire playoff teams. 

(Week 13) Denver Broncos vs. Miami Dolphins

(3-9)

(5-7)

VS.

RECAP: Dolphins 35 Broncos 9

On paper, this game was a snooze-fest. In reality, this game was a snooze-fest...for an entirely different reason. As it turns out, when the Miami Dolphins realize they are playing football, they actually can play pretty well. Aside from Jay Cutler's two picks, the Dolphins put on quite the show on both sides of the ball, including two safeties and a pick six against a puttering Bronco offense. Cutler found the Red Zone on more than one occasion, where the presence of Aqib Talib was greatly missed, while Kenyan Drake absorbed the mana of 2016 Jay Ajayi to take the ball for a 42 yard TD. Trevor Siemian had a rough day with three interceptions and three sacks, and not even the great Von Miller could slow down this unexpected Dolphin onslaught. I'd say give up on playoff hopes, Denver, but with how the other teams in your division are playing, who knows what could happen. Either way, you need to find that old mile-high magic, and fast.