Sunday, February 18, 2018

2017-18 NFL Team Grades

I'm finding it quite difficult to quit my favorite sport cold turkey. The NFL feels the same way, citing the many headlines that have come out over the past month. Jimmy G. becoming the highest paid QB in history after winning FIVE GAMES, John DeFillipo moving to Minnesota, the absolute laughingstock that is Josh McDaniels...much like high school, an NFL season never ends.

When it comes to games, however, the fans are left out to dry until preseason begins in August. To help us stave off our football slumps, I've recapped all 32 teams' performances from this season by grading their performances from A+ to F. What did your team score? If you're in the AFC, probably below a B.

AFC EAST:

Buffalo Bills: B-
Perhaps the biggest surprise this season was seeing the Bills make the playoffs for the first time since the Stone Age. Buffalo's secondary emerged as one of the best in the cesspool that is the AFC, led by strong safety Micah Hyde and cornerback Tre'Davious White. LeSean McCoy ran circles around the best rushing defenses, such as Miami and Kansas City. The Bills even stood toe-to-toe with some of the best teams in the league such as Atlanta, Carolina, and the aforementioned Chiefs. Your only question marks came in the form of your recieving core and the revolving door of Nathan Peterman and Tyrod Taylor, who both threw more interceptions this season than Mr. Interception himself in Ryan Fitzpatrick, a former Buffalo Bill I might add. The QB situation has been up in the air in Buffalo for a while now, but expect this team to trade for Cousins, Foles, or possibly Case Keenum and draft a Wide Reciever to finally round themselves out. I have a feeling we've only seen a sliver of what this team is capable of.

Miami Dolphins: C
I realized something this year; the Miami Dolphins are the closest thing to an NFL farm club team. From Wes Welker in the mid-2000's to Jay Ajayi this season, the Miami Dolphins have proved that they are a development team for the rest of the league. How many talented players have dumped this anemic organization and gone on to glory? The coaching staff for the Dolphins have no idea how to use their talent. They'd sooner start an aging Jay Cutler over a Matt Moore who had just found his rhythm in 2016, and they paid the price. When you turn on a football game, you expect to be entertained, but this team did nothing but bore me week after week with predictable offensive schemes, a flurry of interceptions, and an uninspired running game. The defense made good plays when they had too, practically winning the game for them against the Falcons and Broncos, but it did little to cover up the atrocious offense we saw all year. Should we have expected anything else? The last time Adam Gase and Cutler were together was with the Chicago Bears in 2015, when they went 6-10. They also went 6-10 this year. Gee, what a coincidence.

New England Patriots: A-
As usual, the Patriots get a grade above a B+. However, it's not the usual A+ or A. Why? Simple...the defense. I can't remember the last time a Patriots defense looked so completely lost. This team went from being an iron curtain to a set of bedsheets in the matter of one season. You let a backup quarterback score 41 points against you (no offense to Nick Foles). You let the Dolphins, who I just finished ranting about, score 27 points. Hell, you lost the first game of the season at home by 15. What is wrong with you guys? The only reason the Patriots won the AFC once again is because Tom Brady is some kind of superhuman quarterback who continues to melt secondaries across the league. The offense rallied behind him like the Confederates did Stonewall Jackson, led by an immortal golem in Rob Gronkowski, Brandin Cooks, and Danny Amendola, with Rex Burkhead and Dion Lewis providing an excellent compliment in the run game. The Patriots will never be bad with Brady at the helm, even with an awful defense.

New York Jets: C+
The Jets were certainly not an A or even B worthy team this year, but I have to give credit where it's due; the Jets surprised me this year. Josh McCown may have trouble finding a nest, but any QB who can win games for more than 5 different teams is good in my book. New York had a worse record than the Dolphins, but I'd take a game featuring Josh McCown over Jay Cutler any day. This is a team that was proud to finish 5-11, considering everyone pegged them to go 2-14. This team is still trash...but not the kind that smells. Not much to say here...except McCown's injury is awful and I hope he can keep playing. The Jets need him.

AFC NORTH

Baltimore Ravens: B
The Ravens have always found a way to make defense exciting, and this season was no different. If the Ravens didn't have at least one interception in every game, you can color me surprised. I cringed everytime a young quarterback took the field against these guys, because I knew how badly they would be chewed up and spat out. That brutal strip-sack on Matt Stafford still makes me shudder. As intimidating as the Raven defense was, however, their offense was like a pit bull without teeth. Joe Flacco has completely regressed from a Super Bowl quarterback to just another scrub in the AFC North. Alex Collins was a decent running back, and Jeremy Maclin and Nick Boyle could at least catch a football, but this offense was almost Miami levels of bad. How bad could they possibly be? They lost to the Chicago Bears, end of discussion. If it weren't for their incredible defense, the Ravens would be a C team at best. If they fix the offense this offseason, however, watch out. These Ravens may get a third ring.

Cincinnati Bungles: C
With 32 teams in the NFL, it's easy to forget at least one or two teams when asked to list them out. This happened to be one of them this year. Everyone said Andy Dalton had an off year in 2016, and that he would improve. If you consider not throwing a single TD until week three an improvement, consider getting your head examined. How this team stayed in playoff contention for as long as they did still a mystery to me. If it weren't for AJ Green and Joe Mixon, this team would probably be the worst in the NFL. Vontaze Burfect and the defense were completely useless, and the mistakes on special teams make you wonder if these athletes are playing the right sport. This team needs improvement in just about every area...and I may be wrong in saying that I like Marvin Lewis, but even I'll concede that he's not the guy who can rebuild this team from the ground up. 

Cleveland Browns: F
Do I even need to write anything for this one? The Browns are the second team in NFL history to go 0-16...and the guy who coached this team is STILL THERE. Even with an average-at-best defense, this team doesn't deserve a D-. DeShone Kizer looked like a high school quarterback, throwing metric tons of picks and overthrown balls. The Cleveland Browns are like the 19 year old guy in your freshman math class that smells like weed and always conveniently has a doctor's note the day of a big test. They find creative ways to get out of actually succeeding. This team has made losing an art form...an F for you!

Pittsburgh Steelers: A
As poorly run as this team was, there's no denying that the Pittsburgh Steelers were the team to beat this year. Ben Roethlisberger had a career season, and the killer bees Antonio Brown, Martavus, Bryant, and running back Le'Veon Bell practically guaranteed Big Ben would get at least one passing TD to his name per game. Jesse James was an outlaw at the tight-end position, and Chris Boswell pulled victory from the hands of defeat every time the Steelers needed him. Even with the devestating injury to Ryan Shazier, the defense was vastly improved this year. The only thing the Steelers lacked was coordination. Every player on this team is talented, but they couldn't seem to bring it together against even easy opponents like the Colts or Bears. This team was extraordinary, despite the painful end to their season, and one could hope they'll continue to be a threat in 2018...but this is sadly unlikely. Le'Veon Bell may be out the door, Ben's age is gonna catch up with him, and the offensive coordinator is gone (although that could be a blessing).

AFC South

Houston Texans: D
With DeShaun Watson, this team is an A- or a B+. Without him, this team is another jobber to the Jaguars and Titans. DeShaun Watson, in the 8 games he played for the Texans, proved to be the best quarterback the organization has ever had. He could run like Cam Newton, sling it like Peyton Manning, and had the instincts of Russell Wilson. The ACL injury not only sealed his season, but the Texans as well. It didn't help that J.J Watt was on the shelf as well. Without them, this team was simply there. The defense was especially awful, and not even DeShaun Watson and the excellent core of receivers he had could salvage that. This team could've beaten the Seahawks and Patriots at home, but the defense just couldn't ever pull through for this team. Don't be surprised if this healthy team makes a deep January push next season: I expect at least a B performance from this team, especially if they draft some good defenders or a running back.

Indianapolis Colts: D
You know your football team is bad when your best player is a 44 year old kicker. The Colts may share the same grade as the Texans, but at least the Texans had potential on their side.The Colts, meanwhile, are like the AFC's retirement home, killing off your favorite washed up stars from the early and mid-2000's like cocaine. Frank Gore was once a great running back, but his tank ran on E all season. Jacoby Brissett has potential, but not with a poorly run glue factory of a team like this one. Should I even mention the defense? If you consider getting one fluky safety on Russell Wilson a season highlight, your defense needs work. I'd like to say I'm optimistic about this team next year, with all the new management and a new, solid head coach, but unless Andrew Luck's shoulder magically heals itself, expect another season in the doldrums of the NFL's weakest division.

Jacksonville Jaguars: A
This was a surprisingly fun team to watch this season. Nothing does my sports-loving heart good quite like watching a team transform from a laughingstock into an irresistible force, and that's what happened here. Hey Cleveland, THIS is how you use young players and good draft picks. Sacksonville started out as a cringy moniker...but after the first few games, the other teams in the AFC were cringing for a different reason. I still love how many naysayers this team has; first of all, their schedule was absolutely NOT easy. Pittsburgh is a dynasty, Baltimore's defense was a bad match up for Blakeception, and the Seahawks are always tough...but this team beat them all. Soundly. In fact, if it weren't for the 12th man of New England (the refs), the Jaguars would've slain the beast at home. Leonard Fournette plays like the team's namesake, bowling and jumping over defenders like a wildcat. Jalen Ramsey and A.J Buoye toyed with even the best of the NFL's quarterbacks. Blake Bortles, who was once the wild card of this team, took some time to get going this season. Once he did, he shredded secondaries like a veteran. I'm excited for this team going forward, and with the easy schedule they have next year, I expect them to go even further.

Tennessee Titans: C+
You made the playoffs with a 9-7 record and beat Andy Reid in the playoffs. What do you want, a friggin' medal? Titans, I'm not gonna spare any team from the grades they deserve, no matter how far they made it in January. The fact of the matter is, everything about you guys is like watching paint dry. I would rather watch Attack on Titan than watch this team...yes, even anime is trasher than this team. Marcus Mariota has the potential to be the best hybrid quarterback since Cam Newton, and Delanie Walker is a stud at tight end...but that's about it with this team. I can't even grade this team properly because I just don't care about it enough. At least you had the brains to fire Mike Mularkey, who truly lived up to his last name this season. Hopefully this team will actually do something for me next year. 

AFC West

Denver Broncos: D
Oh, how the mighty dynasty has fallen. As soon as Peyton Manning retired, you knew you guys were completely boned...this season was all the proof you needed. This team couldn't score a touchdown if Ragnarok was upon them, and the mile-high advantage literally vanished into thin air. A revolving door of quarterbacks and running backs and an underachieving defense left this team to mire in the pits of the AFC West. Sign Kirk Cousins and go back to being 8-8; at least you weren't a laughingstock with that record.

Kansas City Chiefs: B
Okay, someone explain to me how this team ended up going 10-6? This team was like the release of No Man's Sky a few years ago: they got everyone's hopes up early in the season, only to let the cracks start showing when this team needed to win the most. One week, they killed the Patriots at home. Two months later, they struggled to beat the goddamn Giants. This is the only team in the league that struggles almost EXCLUSIVELY because of their coach. Kansas City has the best athletes in the world at every position. Travis Kelce is a skinwalker at tight-end, Alex Smith is a dual threat QB who can run just as well as he can throw. Kareem Hunt came out of nowhere to be one of the leagues best running backs. Tyreek Hill burns cornerbacks and safeties like shamanic fire.  The defense is weak, but who needs it when you have so many weapons on offense? Unfortunately, with Andy Reid at the helm, you know this team is gonna make bad decisions that ultimately cost them...we saw it against the Titans. I hate to give a team that upends the Patriots a grade like this, but as they say, talent wins games, while consistency wins trophies.

Los Angeles Chargers: C+
Why was there so much hype behind this team at the end of the season? They beat the Bills and Browns, and suddenly they're Super Bowl contenders? Not in my book, hoss. The Chargers were never able to bring it all together when they needed to. They could've beaten the Miami Dolphins, but special teams fell apart and they missed a crucial field goal. They could've beaten the Patriots, but the defense chose to choke it away. They could've beaten the Chiefs and taken the lead in their division, but goddamn it, they completely short-circuited in every way and let Travis Kelce march all over them. The only consistent player on this team is Phillip Rivers, who lacks the receiving core to make him one of the league's elite (aside from Keenan Allen). This team is good, not great, and they need a few good young'uns to make them competitive in the years to come. Also, having more than six fans would be nice.

Oakland Raiders: C-
What the actual heck was that, Oakland? You had a perfectly healthy team, beast mode, and a re-surging Derek Carr behind center and you couldn't even win 7 games? Shameful display! It's not even like they had a tough schedule; Miami, Buffalo, the Jets, and the Giants come to mind. The Raiders have regressed to their late 2000's selves, and are now desperately pulling Jon Gruden out of retirement to save themselves from the pit of misery. It didn't help that your defense couldn't stop a good QB if they were given the keys to their offensive lines. This team is like the red-headed basement dweller, making themselves awkwardly known for one season before calling it quits and folding in an already weak AFC. To be honest, Derek Carr played relatively well this season, but Marshawn Lynch was a massive disappointment. Don't even get me started on the noodle arms of Crabtree...

NFC EAST:

Dallas Cowboys: B-
Snore...A team I was looking forward to watching this season completely prolapsed and disappointed me. Everyone thought it was gonna be a Raiders/Cowboys Super Bowl this year? We can have no nice holdovers from 2016. The good news is Ezekiel Elliot (when he was playing, lol) was still an absolute beast at running back. The bad news is Ezekiel Elliot was the only player who showed up. 2017 did a number on this team: Dak Prescott had the rookie season he skipped, Dez Bryant is just another wide receiver, and...who's this Jason Witten guy? Even with a solid defense up front, you guys still couldn't stop Russell Wilson and Aaron Rodgers from shredding your secondary. It's gonna take a lot for this team to be truly awful again, however, as they're still young and they know where they need to improve. I expect Dallas to give Philly a run for their money in the NFC East title hunt next year. Until then, however, they're the second most boring team in the league to watch, behind Miami.

New York Giants: D-
It takes a lot for sports to make me cry. I cried when Daniel Bryan won the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania, and when Simone Biles won gold at the Olympics. I also cried when the Giants lost their entire receiving core in one game. No fanbase deserves that; what on Earth did Eli Manning ever do to Dean Spanos? I'm just kidding...Eli did it to himself. All you had to do was give this guy the evil eye and he'd fumble the ball. If your two-time Super Bowl MVP quarterback can't hold on to the football, what good is this team? Even with a healthy Beckham Jr., Shepherd, Engram and Lewis Jr., this team couldn't win a damn game. Orleans Darkwa was the NFL equivalent of a store-brand running back, and the secondary couldn't shut down Blaine Gabbert or Jameis Winston, let alone Nick Foles or Dak Prescott. This team was AWFUL this year, and as much as people want to crap on one player or Ben McAdoo, it was ultimately a team effort. Take your lucky wins against the Broncos, Redskins, and Andy Choke-Reid and get out of my sight!

Philadelphia Eagles: A+
As the saying goes: "and now for something completely different." Nobody can argue that this was one of the best run sports teams we've seen in the past ten years. Everyone thought Philly was done without Carson Wentz, who was shaping up to be the gunslinger the Eagles had been looking for. Everyone was writing off their defense as just "capable." Everyone thought Doug Pederson was a hothead and a kamikaze head coach who was going to inevitably choke in January. Everyone, myself included, thought WRONG. Nick Foles took the helm and picked up right where Carson Wentz left off, leading a completely unpredictable offense that peaked at the perfect time (at the expense of my Vikings). Jay Ajayi and Legarrett Blount, with their different running styles, toyed with defensive ends and tackles like puppet masters. The defense played like the offense, aggressively running over offensive lines and taking the pigskin by force from some of the NFL's elite. This team's only losses came against the Cowboys in a fluke loss, an overachieving Chiefs team, and the Seahawks at home. They beat the reigning NFC champs, the best defense in the NFL, and Tom Brady's Patriots in their element to bring home the organization's first Lombardi, all in games they were pegged as underdogs. We may have a new dynasty on our hands folks...although I'm curious to see where Nick Foles will end up.

Washington Redskins: C
Wow, the NFC East was really boring this year. I suppose any team could have a good record if they were in the same division as the Giants and Cowboys. The same goes for the Redskins, whose "meh" worthy performance this year only confirms this team will be stuck in neutral for the next ten seasons. The Redskins weren't necessarily boring to watch, but their games are like pro wrestling matches: you already know the outcome. What's the point of watching a team if you know they're going to lose? Kirk Cousins continues to be the proverbial Last Jedi on this team, as the rest of the team falls to the dark side of mediocrity.

NFC North

Chicago Bears: C
As easy as it would be to dismiss this team as just another jobber to Aaron Rodgers and the Pack, I can't seem to do that. What on Earth makes me defend this team? Could it be that they completely swept the AFC North? Maybe it's because their special teams package is lightyears ahead of the rest of the league? Or maybe it's because their defense finds creative ways to turn the ball over in their favor? Regardless, the Bears faced the same problems the Ravens did, only the Ravens could actually score every once in a while. Chicago's problem is they couldn't capitalize on the opportunities they got, and that falls on the quarterback. Mitchell Trubiskey has the maturity and instincts of a good quarterback, but he still has a long way to go when it comes to actually throwing the football. If you put a solid quarterback on this team with that defense and special teams, and Chicago could actually be a threat in the NFC.

Detroit Lions: B
Yeah, I ranked a team that didn't even make the playoffs above teams that did, what of it? The Lions seemed like a better overall team this year; they were just stuck in the wrong conference. You'd think money would go to Matt Stafford's head, but the man continues to have the instincts and keys needed to succeed. Complimenting him was a mane of worthy receivers, including Marvin Jones Jr., T.J Jones, and Golden Tate. The Lions defense brought several good offenses to their knees. The rush defense wasn't anything special, but the secondary was a solid improvement from last year, led by the proletariot Darius Slay. This is a good team, but not a great team...the definition of a B team. If you wanted to make the NFC playoffs this year, you had to be excellent.

Green Bay Packers: C-
I'm being awfully generous, giving this team a C+. Without Aaron Rodgers, this team was nothing more than the Separatists without General Grievous. Your defense was pitiful, Brett Hundley could barely take a snap, and your receivers apparently don't know how to run a route or catch a football without A12 holding their hands. This team gets a C- for those few games with Aaron Rodgers. That's it. Otherwise, I'd give them a D. How do you almost lose to Tampa Bay, the Bears, and the friggin' Browns? Hopefully, Aaron's injury will necessitate much needed change in this organization. Replacing your offensive and defensive coordinators will help, but you need depth. You need a backup QB who can take the helm when Rodgers goes down. You need a defense that doesn't rely on the occasional sack from Clay Matthews and a Ha'ha Clinton-Dix stuck in quicksand. I may be a Vikings fan, but I like good competition. Make me hate you again, damn it!

Minnesota Vikings: A
I hope people don't remember this team for getting blown out in the NFC Championship, because the Vikings came to play this year. Much like the Vegas Golden Knights, it seemed like the Vikings kept finding ways to win even with the odds stacked against them. Glass cannon QB Sam Bradford goes down after one game, leaving disgraced former Rams QB Case Keenum to take the reins. He turns into one of the league's most reliable gunslingers and absolutely smokes every secondary he meets. Prospective franchise running back Dalvin Cook is laid out after only four weeks...Letavius Murray and Jerick McKinnon introduce a dual threat running scheme nobody can prepare for. The Vikings defense was ranked towards the bottom of the league last year...they end up channeling the Purple People Eaters and shutting down every offense they face (until January). The presence of proven receivers Stefon Diggs, Adam Thielen, and Kyle Rudolph didn't hurt either. A team with depth like this is hard to topple...unless you're the Eagles. Still, I'm positive about this team's future. They're young, they're still hungry, and no matter what QB they choose, I'm sure they'll make it back to the promised land one of these years and finally claim that elusive first ring. #skol

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons: A-
After they barely beat the Chicago Bears, I was convinced this team would finish 7-9 and be completely forgotten about. Teams that lose Super Bowls have to undergo some kind of hangover after all...but a Super Bowl where you blow a 25 point lead? How do you come back from that?! Simple...completely flipping your team around. This season, it was the Falcon DEFENSE that decided to be elite. Matt Ryan was competent as usual and Devonta Freeman is still about as hard to tackle as a final project...but this Falcons defense (when they weren't choking games away) was excellent, especially in January against a white-hot Rams team. They may not have had the flashiness of the Ravens defense or the utter dominance of the Vikings defense, but the Falcons did enough to keep themselves on top. As I mentioned, Matt Ryan was competent...but that was about it. The offense regressed quite a bit (from 1st place to 15th place, to be exact), owing to the "genius" of Steve Sarkisian. Have fun with him next year, Falcons! Get ready to feel the exact same pain Vikings fans had to deal with this year; losing on the cusp of hosting a Super Bowl.

Carolina Panthers: A
Coming back from a forgettable effort in 2016, the Panthers have regained their prominence in the South. The Panthers were dangerous on both sides of the ball...Cam Newton is a premier quarterback. Christian McCaffrey was an excellent addition to the Panthers run game, and Greg Olsen seems to finally have his groove back. Meanwhile, Luke Kuechly and the Panthers defense continued to provide some southern discomfort for any team unlucky enough to play them at home. Only thing about this team: like the Steelers, Carolina often played down to their competition. They beat the Vikings, the Patriots, and the Packers with Aaron Rodgers...but barely beat the 49ers, Buccaneers, and Jets, and actually LOST to the Bears. With consistency, I think this team could've easily gone 13-3. They may have lost to the Saints in the first round, but any other team would've certainly struggled against the Panthers. I look forward to seeing how they play next year.

New Orleans Saints: A
If you couldn't already tell, the NFC South was loaded with talent this year, and the Saints had plenty of it themselves. A perfect range of experience made up the structure of this team: Marshon Lattimore and a young defense outsped the NFL's fastest receivers, while rookie Alvin Kamara used his own brand of voodoo magic to revive the long dead Saints running game. They were led by wily veteran Drew Brees, who at age 39 proved that he's still among the NFL's elite, and for oncehe was actually surrounded by a great core of players. The only area this team struggled in was coaching...specifically from gillface himself, Sean Payton. Who could forget his antics in the game at Atlanta, where he ran out on the field and incurred a personal foul call that cost the Saints what should've been an easy victory? Regardless, with Brees still in the fold and a young team that will get better as time goes on, the Saints are going to be pretty healthy for the next few seasons. Here's hoping for a Jags-Saints Super Bowl next year (well, unless the Vikings make it back).

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: C-
Every family has that forgotten child that doesn't ever leave the nest. In this case, the Panthers, Falcons, and Saints have all gone on to Ivy League schools, while the Buccaneers barely got their high school diploma. Everyone expected the Buccaneers to compete for a wild card spot, but then realized they were playing in the toughest division of the NFL. Unlike the Lions, who actually had potential, this team absolutely crumbled in the face of it. Jameis Winston, who once struck me as one of the more mature quarterbacks in the NFL, is now a head case who pushes his own players around. The defense was never anything to sneeze at, but they were especially forgettable this year. You may have Mike Evans, Bucs, but Mike Evans certainly doesn't have any chill. This team lacks any semblance of control and level-headedness, and anybody who thought this team would be competing for a Lombardi trophy is walking the plank.

NFC WEST:

Arizona Cardinals: C
Another "rebuilding" year for the Cardinals...in other words, grass is green. The Cardinals are hard to make fun of...especially with Bruce Arians at the helm. Like the birds they represent, the Cardinals have the appearance of a tough football team, but can't back it up. Where do we even start...The offensive line was absolutely garbage; Carson Palmer got sacked six times by the 49ers in week four. SIX. BY THE 49ERS. With an aging QB like  Palmer at the helm, it's important you protect him at all costs...instead, you let his arm get broken. Contragulation. Everything about this team seemed battered and watered down; the Cardinals have become the NFC's retirement home. Even Larry Fitzgerald didn't seem like himself. Great job with that Adrian Peterson trade, by the way. What happened to him? A career-ending injury, huh? As a Vikings fan, I should be laughing at this, but I truly pity this team. With all of your veterans quickly sputtering out, you better make something happen next year.

Los Angeles Rams: A
I love this team, almost as much as I love the Vikings. I named my blog after the elite Rams team I grew up watching, and what Sean McVay has done reminds of the days when Kurt Warner would torch secondarys all across the league. After a miserable first season, the bold decision to keep Jared Goff behind center has paid dividends for what was once the most uninspired offense in the league. Offensive player of the year Todd Gurley III has turned into an absolute bull, and Cooper Kupp and Sammy Watkins are leading the charge for young blood in the NFC receiver category. I don't often mention special teams players, but I will here: Johnny Hekker is a beast. Now that he has the offense and defense to get him to January, I'm hoping the man finally gets the recognition he deserves as one of the best kickers and fake punters in the league. As much as people hate Stan Kroenke, it's hard to deny that the Rams had one of the more heartwarming rises to prominence in the West after 10+ years of misery. Anyone who saw that documentary about the Rams last year knows how hard these guys worked to get here, and now that they are, it's gonna be very hard to stop them.

Seattle Seahawks: B-
Another team with depth problems? Seems like a common issue for dynasties this year...Russell Wilson continues to be the Seahawks offense. He has to be; his line did about as well as the Cardinals offensive line. The loss of Richard Sherman and Kam Chancellor took a toll on your defense, sure, but the biggest loss you had to endure was the death of the 12th man. Seriously, Hawks, how do you lose to the Redskins and Cardinals at home? Without the Legion of Boom and the 12th man, what does this team have? Maturity? The fiasco in Jacksonville says otherwise. A great offense? If you consider one man to be an offense. Good coaching? I suppose that's about it. Get your players healthy and draft a goddamn offensive line.

San Francisco 49ers: C+
How do you rate a team like this? This was a team that struggled to find their identity until game ten. Kyle Shanahan's tenure in the Bay Area was looking to be a short one...until Jimmy Garropolo showed up. Sure, Robbie Gould won most of your games for you, but Jimmy G. got them to the promised land against very stiff competitionin the Jaguars and the Titans (I suppose). Your defense actually wasn't laughable for once, and you've shed the Colin Kaepernick controversy quite admirably. I can't give you above a C if you get fewer than 7 wins, but good lord if I'm not excited about San Fran's prospects next year. I may not be the biggest fan of throwing millions of dollars at a guy who won five games, but at this point the 9ers have to try something.








Sunday, February 4, 2018

Super Bowl Weekend/Playoff 2018 Review






Playoff Quickies: Let's take a look back at this excellent postseason and the games leading up to today's contest
Wild Card: 
Titans 22 Chiefs 21: Remember all that hype the Chiefs had going into this postseason? All of that, just to be another act in the Andy Reid choke show. The Titans looked good...but only because they were playing the Chiefs.
Falcons 26 Rams 13: This one broke my heart. I thought for sure the Rams were gonna steamroll the Falcons and play the Vikings in an instant classic...but this would not be the case. In a strange twist, it was the Falcons DEFENSE that stepped up, completely shutting down the Rams' stellar offense and robbing us of a potential offensive shootout between Goff and either Brady or Roethlisberger. 
Jaguars 10 Bills 3: I'll give credit where it's due: the Bills played pretty well here. Their offense was a dumpster fire, but the Bills defense kept the game interesting by keeping the Jags at midfield for most of the game. Be thankful you lost Bills: you probably would've been stomped by the Patriots anyway. Work on your offense, and we'll see you next year! In other words, draft Cousins you fools.
Saints 31 Panthers 26: Now THIS is a playoff calibur matchup. The Saints got the season sweep over a resurgent Panthers squad, but it wasn't easy. It seemed like the Panthers had the Saints' number towards the end, but they held on in yet another Bourbon Street classic. 
Divisional Round: 
Eagles 15 Falcons 10: The Falcons prolapsed yet again to let a nervous looking Eagles squad scoop up the win. The score was close, but this was a pretty boring matchup. I wanted to go to sleep, but there was another playoff game to sit through...
Patriots 35  Titans 14: Snore...
Jaguars 45 Steelers 42: The Pittsburgh Steelers were compared to Superman a lot this season. How appropriate, because they have kryptonite in the Broncos, Patriots, and Jaguars in the postseason. That remained true this year, when the Jaguars ran over them and ruined my Super Bowl predictions. 
Vikings 29 Saints 24: I would type Skol here if I didn't know what would become of my beloved Vikings in the Championship game...oh well, that final Diggs catch will still live on in infamy. This was an awesome back and forth contest, even without the awesome catch at the end.
Championship Games:
Patriots 24 Jaguars 20: For a healthy moment, it seemed like the Patriots were gonna fall the same way the Steelers did. Unfortunately, Brady did what he always does, and led his team to a fourth quarter comeback. Comebacks are only exciting when underdogs do it...next.
Eagles 38 Vikings 7: *sobs uncontrollably into mug of hot chocolate* 

Prediction: Patriots 28 Eagles 14
Ladies and gentlemen, the worst case scenario has happened. It's the worst fanbase in the world vs. the team nobody outside of Boston wants to win. Let me be frank; I don't want either of these teams to win the Super Bowl. I'm sick of the New England Patriots, and the Eagles fans are more than likely to trash the beautiful city if their team wins or loses. The only people who win in this game are the officials, who, if their smiles in the game against the Jaguars mean anything, got exactly what they wanted. 
Which, of course, brings me to my actual prediction. Yes, I think the Patriots are going to win. The Eagles will start hot in the first half, when Nick Foles' unpredictable offensive core puts the Patriots off guard. There will be a lot of trick plays, similar to ones we saw in the NFC Championship game (excuse me, while I sob into my hot chocolate again), and they will work for a while. Ultimately, however, Tom Brady will use his B.S superpowers and the 12th man (the officials) will help the Patriots get yet another Lombardi trophy.
The Eagles defense will put a lot of pressure on the Patriots, but ultimately Brady will get control of the game in the second half. Foles, meanwhile, will sputter out, most likely because he has no Super Bowl experience. I like the guy, and I would love to see an unlikely hero emerge from the woodwork...but this isn't the time and place. 
The only chance the Eagles have of winning is to be completely unpredictable. The rest of the NFL was preparing for a Wentz-led Eagles team in the postseason, but his injury thrust Foles into the spotlight. As a result, the Eagles have completely repackaged their offense. 
This has actually been a major benefactor for them, as they've surprised both the Falcons and the Vikings. Jay Ajayi has come in as a surprisingly strong running back for the Eagles, and Zach Ertz rivals Gronkowski as the most dominant tight-end in the game. The Eagles offense has adapted perfectly to Foles' playing style, which has yet to show any major weaknesses. I wouldn't put it past Matt Patricia to find the key to slowing them down, but the Eagles offense presents a unique challenge to a defense that has been struggling all year in the secondary. They need to exploit that if they want any chance of scoring 20+ points, because you know Brady will put at least 20 up there for the Pats.
On top of this, the defense needs to be consistent. It's been proven that the only way to beat Brady is to get in his head. The Jags did a good job of this, and though they lost, they gave the Patriots their best playoff battle since the Falcons in Super Bowl 51. Where the Jags ultimately fell short was they got tired in the final quarter of play, which is apparently when Brady feeds into the mana of past QB legends to gain magical passing power. The Eagles defense is hungry, but they're gonna have to stay hungry late in the game if they want to hold the lead they may get.
I say may, because who are we kidding...the Patriots are the only ones who can decide if they win or lose. Have you seen the weapons Brady has this year? Gronk may not be at full health, but he's still gonna be tougher to take down than a bull elephant. Brandin Cooks is a devestatingly good deep threat, and Danny Amendola has filled in for Julian Edelman quite nicely. Rex Burkhead have done what no running back has ever done before; given the Patriots a strong running game. The offense is built around Brady, and you know they aren't gonna disappoint their lord and savior Bill Belichick. 
Patriots win it.

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

(Wild Card Weekend) #6 Atlanta Falcons vs. #3 L.A Rams

#3
#6


Recap: Falcons 26 Rams 13
Age and cunning will always quash youth and enthusiasm, and the Falcons postseason experience paid dividends in L.A this weekend. The Falcons turned in an outstanding defensive performance to completely stuff the Rams' high octane offense. To make matters worse, the Coliseum was less like a football stadium and more like a hockey rink. Running backs and receivers slipped left and right, and Matt Ryan almost got decapitated in the third quarter. The Rams looked like they had reverted to their 2016 selves, owing perhaps to their inexperience in January play. I can imagine this team overlooked the Falcons, believing they would still be trying to get over their Super Bowl hangover. Unfortunately for them, the Falcons drank ten pounds of espresso and now look like one of the best teams in the NFC. Also, going against what I predicted, the Falcons did not choke this game away, instead turning in a better performance in the second half than the first. Devonta Freeman was absolutely on point, and the Rams couldn't do anything to slow this bird down. Todd Gurley ran well for the Rams too, but the need for a good passing performance by Jared Goff was not realized. Hopefully the Rams can keep their momentum going into next season, and perhaps make another run at the Lombardi. This team is still young, and has time to synchronize and perfect everything they've set up this year. The Falcons now head to Philly to take on Nick Foles and the Eagles, which probably means they're headed to the NFC Championship game. My hats off to you, Falcons; it's not often you see teams recover from Super Bowl hangovers quite like this.

(Wild Card Weekend) #5 Tennessee Titans vs. #4 Kansas City Chiefs

#4
#5







Recap: Titans 22 Chiefs 21
"OH MY GOD, YOU FRIGGIN' BLEW IT!" Not the first time we've said that when Andy Reid is involved, but this time he really did it. It's almost a gift, to blow games like he can. On this episode of the Andy Reid choke show, the Chiefs started out on fire in the first half, making the Titans look like the jobbers they are. By halftime, they were up by three scores, and the game was actually running the risk of being a blowout. Now, I was happy to see the Chiefs break the home playoff game curse, mind you, but I still wanted things to be interesting. Well, this turned into a classic alright...at the expense of everyone in the state of Kansas. Only the Chiefs would allow Marcus Mariota to score a TD pass to himself and have one of their best recievers in Travis Kelce go down with a concussion in a freak accident. Without Kelce, the Chief offense looked borderline anemic. The Titans defense unplugged Kareem Hunt's run game, Alex Smith's receivers forgot how to catch a ball, and the defense had no answers for Delanie Walker. In the end, the Titans managed to take a one point lead late in the 4th quarter that their defense managed to...well, defend. Before I congratulate the Titans for advancing to Foxboro, I'm gonna congratulate the Patriots, who will most certainly be in the AFC Championship game now. Chiefs, enjoy the offseason, especially when you burn Andy Reid at the stake for blasphemy. Five home playoff losses in a row? Not even the Browns can lay claim to that. May you have another 5 game winning streak to start the season next year, only for the wheels to come off in January.



Saturday, January 6, 2018

2017-18 AFC Playoffs: Team Breakdowns

#1. New England Patriots
(13-3)
Once again, the Patriots are the #1 seed and favorites to make the Super Bowl. In other news, the sky is blue. Before you roll your eyes and continue scrolling, however, don't be too eager to place the Patriots in the AFC column under the Lombardi just yet. They're still one of the best teams in the league, but the Patriots are merely a shadow of the team they were last year. Their defense has folded under pressure on many occasions like their namesake at the Battle of Charleston. Tampa Bay and the Chargers almost beat this team, folks, and the Dolphins actually DID. In fact, I believe the only reason the Patriots won 13 games is because the AFC is trash and the NFL doesn't know what a catch is anymore. On the other hand, 40-year old Tom Brady continues to be the NFL's Blue-Eyes White Dragon with 3000 ATK points and a great set of support cards in the Patriot receiving core and the best running game is the best we've seen under Belichick in a long time. The MVP of this high-voltage offense is Gronk Robkowski, a freak of nature who can't be toppled unless hit with concentrated elephant tranquilizer. Don't be surprised if these Pats win the Super Bowl again or lose in the divisional game...either outcome is likely.

#2. Pittsburgh Steelers
(13-3)












Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is a Super Bowl Championship team. The most well-rounded team I've seen in a long time, the Steelers should have no problem making a late January push at the very least. Big Ben may be on his last legs, but Father Time has done nothing to stop him from having one of his best career passing seasons to date. A young receiving core has given the man Geico pass insurance, led by rookies Juju Smith-Schuster and tight-end Jesse James, and Le'Veon Bell has run circles around the NFL's best defenders. Even without a veteran presence, the Steelers defense lives up to its name: an iron curtain that can't be penetrated unless your last name is Tom Brady. The only problem with this team is that, sometimes, they don't realize just how good they are, which causes them to play down to their competition (how the HELL do you lose to the BEARS at home?!). On one week, the Steelers can beat the Chiefs at Arrowhead, and the next, they're barely holding off the Packers at Heinz. If the Steelers can get all the pieces together, which we all know Mike Tomlin can do, expect them to take the title. Nothing less.

#3. Jacksonville Jaguars
(10-6)












What did you accomplish in 2017? Get that dream job? Ask that girl out? Lose some weight? Your accomplishments pale in comparison to the Jags, who completely reinvented themselves in the year of the Fire Rooster. Pay attention, Cleveland: this is a team that knows how to use their draft picks. As cringy as the name "Sacksonville" is, this team definitely earned this moniker, making even the most hardened of offensive lines quiver in fear. Even when the o-line holds up, AJ Buoye and the Jaguars secondary finds ways to ground even the best QB's in the league. Leonard Fournette leads Jacksonvilles completely reinvented offense with a running game like no other. The main x-factor with this team is the man behind the center, Blake Bortles, who enjoys playing Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Pickoff. He's a lot better than he used to be without question, but he's been knocked down a few pegs after his performances in San Francisco and Tennessee. This team has lost a bit of momentum that they need to find, but when/if they do, be prepared for this dark horse to make the Championship game.

#4. Kansas City Chiefs
(10-6)











Meh. I'm indifferent about seeing this team make the playoffs, especially considering their choke job in the middle of the season against the Jets, Bills, and the friggin' Giants. New York State was just not very friendly to these Chiefs this year. The NFL's defenses may have found the codes to Kareem Hunt's nuclear running game, but he's been getting back to his old self in recent weeks. Alex Smith, when he runs the ball at least, is relatively unpredictible (when he doesn't run, he's just a scrub wearing a QB jersey). Andy Reid may have choked early in the season, which means they may have more of a chance this January to actually have some success. The Chiefs are an unusual team, and that may lend itself to their performances against the more predictible schemes of the other teams in the AFC. I won't buy on them quite yet; they have to earn that right. Otherwise, enjoy getting killed by the Steelers again!

#5. Tennessee Titans
(9-7)











The fact that this team made the playoffs speaks for how pathetic the AFC was this year. I'm gonna be frank here: this team is going about as far as a catfish on a hockey rink. Marcus Mariota is average, the running game is anemic, and the defense is only solid at best. This team may have gotten lucky that they're playing the Chiefs first, who have a history of losing easy games in the postseason, but even if they make it past the Chiefs, they're gonna get eaten alive by the Patriots or Steelers. Hell, I'd go so far as to say the Bills can beat this team. Not much to say here, because there's not much to this team.

#6. Buffalo Bills
(9-7)











Congrats Bills, you made the playoffs! Only problem: you made the playoffs. It's all uphill from here; no more easy challenges from teams like the Dolphins, Broncos, and Raiders. Tyrod Taylor will need to remember he's a starting QB if you want to succeed, otherwise, you're gonna have to ride on LeSean McCoy's injured leg. However, you've got a lot of other things going for you. Your secondary is underrated, for one thing, and Micah Hyde can read QB's like picture books. Not to mention, 17 years is a long time, and this team was ECSTATIC just to make it back. Momentum and euphoria is a wild thing, and these Bills may be able to channel that. The Jags are in a bit of a slump after all. Now may be the time to strike...Or get sent home after being thrashed.

AND YOUR AFC CHAMPIONS....
The Steelers
The AFC is a trainwreck this year, but the Steelers and Patriots (and perhaps the Jags) have set themselves apart from the rabble once again. However, I have to give the edge to the Steelers. They're one of the most well-rounded teams of the millenium, who can move the ball just as well as they can stop it. They'll get no challenge from the Titans or Chiefs, and they'll be looking to avenge regular season losses to the Patriots and Jaguars. The Bills? They're just happy to be here. For the Steelers, however, it's Bowl or bust.

2017-18 NFC Playoffs: Team Breakdown

#1. Philadelphia Eagles
(13-3)













I hate to say it, but I can't buy on the Eagles. Without Wentz, the Eagles are a wild card team at best, which actually is saying something considering how good the NFC was this year. The Eagles still have a good selection of weapons in the armory, including an excellent run game brought on by Nelson Agholor and Jay Ajayi, a solid defense and a competent QB in Nick Foles...but the absence of Wentz will be as noticeable as the absence of Ferris Bueller. "Wentz? Wentz!?" If this team was in the AFC, I would certainly be giving them more credit at this point, but this is the NFC. With stiff competition from just about every other team in the hunt for the NFC crown, I'm afraid this Eagle is gonna head back to the nest early this year. Christ, I feel bad for them...

#2. Minnesota Vikings
(13-3)












Skol Vikings! Who would've thought a 13-3 football team would be made up of second stringers like Case Keenum, Latavius Murray and Jerrick McKinnon? This is the type of team everyone should fear in the postseason: a team with something to prove. Their offense can strike in many ways, from Case's gunslinging pass game, to the powerful run game of Murray, to the careful running style of McKinnon. Two excellent tight ends in Kyle Rudolph and David Morgan and the superglue hands of Stephon Diggs and Adam Thielen round out this longship of a Viking offense. As for the defense, it doesn't just merely compliment the offense; it's the Vikings best weapon. Sometimes, the greatest sword is the shield, and this Vikings defense has been the equivalent of Fimbulvetr for some of the NFL's best offenses. The icing on the cake? Simple, their homefield advantage. With how forgettable I expect the Eagles to be in the coming weeks, the Vikings should maintain a homefield advantage all the way to the Super Bowl, and will likely be the first team to play at home for the Super Bowl. If that's not a motivator to win the NFC crown, I don't know what is. Brace yourselves, folks: these Vikings are looking to pillage and crush your city's hopes.

#3. L.A Rams
(11-5)













Something wicked this way comes. After over ten years of being the NFL's laughingstock, the Rams have shrugged off the egg whites to be one of the best offensive threats in the league. Jared Goff has emerged from the cobwebs of a tumultuous rookie season as one of the league's best gunslingers. Todd Gurley III is a stud, knocking defenders around like a bull in Sevilla, Spain. Cooper Kupp and Sammy Watkins are corner threats, and the Ram's historically solid defense finally gets to see postseason glory. This is a team that flattened the 12th man in Seattle and made Sacksonville look like their 2016 selves. The Rams have the most intimidating logo in the NFL: it's about time they backed it up.

#4. New Orleans Saints
(11-5)












When the Saints come marching in, you DON'T want to be in that number. One of the biggest surprises in the NFL this year, this team overcame a slow start to become what I consider to be the third best all-around team in the league (behind the Steelers and Vikings). A young offense, led by running backs Alvin Kamara and Mark Ingram and a talented receiving core in Michael Thomas and Tedd Ginn Jr., is rounded off perfectly by the wily veteran QB Drew Brees, who looks to lead his Saints back to the promised land for only the second time ever. An equally young defense, led by pickoff king Marshon Lattimore, puts even the best offensive coordinators in the hot seat. Don't be fooled by that 11-5 record (and that fluke loss to the Buccaneers); this team is dangerous.

#5. Carolina Panthers
(11-5)












THIS is a wild card team that earned their spot in the postseason. You paying attention, #5 seed Titans?? The Panthers are masters at controlling the pace of a football game. Their defense is smash mouth, and their offense is loaded with weapons young and old. Ron Rivera is an offensive visionary, always finding ways to frustrate the NFL's best defenses, even besting the Vikings and Patriots. Where this team falls short to the NFC's division champions, however, is consistency. On good days, Cam Newton is a double-headed dragon who can run the ball just as well as he can throw it. On bad days, he looks like a whiny teenager with a football helmet on. The Panthers beat the Patriots, the Packers with Aaron Rodgers, and the Vikings. Great, but they also lost to the Bears and barely beat the Jets and Bills. Once again, if this was an AFC team, they'd be surefire Lombardi contenders...but in the NFC, they're just another tough team in the hunt.

#6. Atlanta Falcons
(10-6)












You know the NFC is tough when the former NFC champs are the sixth seed. The Falcons offense isn't nearly as explosive as it was last year, but don't sleep on these birds. The defense has molted their poor 2016 performance to rank 8th in points allowed. The offense isn't exactly a pushover either. Matt Ryan is still a solid threat in the pocket, and trying to guess where Devonta Freeman is gonna run is like trying to guess what NFC team is gonna make the Super Bowl this year. Unfortunately, this team is plagued by the NFC's incarnate of Andy Reid in Dan Quin, who choked away multiple leads this season. Look for this team to start strong, only to get stomped flat in the final quarter of play.

AND YOUR NFC CHAMPIONS....
The Vikings
I know, I know, y'all are gonna think I'm a fanboy. Make no mistake, this was a tough choice. The NFC is absolutely loaded; even the teams that barely missed the playoffs like the Cowboys and Seahawks were dangerous this year. These teams are truly the cream of the crop in the NFL, and I'd say the team that wins the NFC title is gonna take the whole damn thing. That team will be the Vikings. The Saints and Rams are great all-around teams led by their stellar offenses, sure, but the Vikings have an equally stellar defense to match it, in addition to a great offense of their own. The Panthers and Falcons won't make it that far against such stiff competition, and neither will the #1 seed Eagles without Carson Wentz. If I can fanboy for a second...SKOL!

Friday, January 5, 2018

(Week 17~Live at U.S Bank Stadium) Chicago Bears vs. Minnesota Vikings








VS.


The Experience: Minneapolis/Saint Paul: Twin Cities with cold air and warm hearts. Deplaning in Minneapolis, I didn't really know what to expect. The Twin Cities don't have the brand-name recognition of Los Angeles and New York City, nor do they have the atmosphere of small-town pigskin hubs like Buffalo and Green Bay. As it turns out, this is exactly what the Twin Cities go for: it's a humble city. I know; kinda hard to call a city with the Mall of America, a literal shrine to the evils of American consumer culture, humble, but that's honestly what this city is.
Every sensation in this city feels natural, and not forced like in so many places. You don't get that momentary sensation of "wow, I'm in New York City! Okay, back to my cave." Minneapolis/Saint Paul has a learning curve, and yet something about it makes you want to challenge yourself. To go out and really expose youself to what the city has to offer. Let's call this "Northern Comfort."
So, how does one "learn" Minneapolis/Saint Paul? The first place to start is the cold air temperatures, which can feel like -34 degrees Fahrenheit at the lowest. If there's one thing you should know before planning a trip to the Northern Midwest, it's that the air is pretty goddamn cold. We're talking that meme of Jack Nicholson from The Shining, folks. The cold in Minnesota is like Big Brother; it's alive. It's all-knowing. It strikes swiftly, and there's no adjusting to it. The instant you walk outside, it hits you like a Delta airplane landing at MSP. 
This brings us to one of the cooler features (no pun intended) of the city: the Skyway. The Skyway is a series of walkways between the biggest entertainment centers, sports venues, and hotels in Minneapolis, which is great if you want to watch a Vikings game without having to do the Iditarod. Believe me, folks, you don't want to walk any further than a few streets in Minneapolis temperatures. 
Having been to Buffalo many times for football games, I always assumed that cold cities had fans with equally cold hearts. Yes, Bills fans have been bitter for a long time (until this season): sitting in slush covered seats while getting coated with lake effect snow would do that to you, I suppose. However, Minneapolis is able to embrace this cold. Certainly, there were great minds behind the invention of the twin city Skyways, but the hearts of Minneapolis individuals were just as big. Minneapolis is a football town, and purple and yellow is everywhere...but there were just as many Bears fans in town that weekend too. Instead of being treated like outcasts, however, they were embraced as if they were hometown fans, something you rarely see in Buffalo.
Furthermore, in a time when cities across the United States are liberalizing, and taverns give way to hippie bars and girl drink fantasies, Minneapolis has one hell of a dive bar scene. My family and I met a bunch of great people at a small bar called Bullwinkles, right across the street from our hotel. Featuring an exotic upstairs lounge area overseeing downtown Minneapolis, a couple of very open, friendly bartenders, and the perfect rustic charm, Bullwinkles was my kind of hangout. My parents are both connoisseurs of dive bars, and a good part of my childhood was spent in the company of snowmobilers, bikers, and all sorts of colorful characters. We met a couple of UMinn graduates who basically told us their life stories, a married couple from Sioux Falls who loved the Packers (bold people!), and another married couple with seasons tickets to Vikings games. Our conversations always started like this: Them:"where are you folks from?" Us: "Upstate New York." Them: "Oh, so you're Bills fans?" My parents: "No, Dolphins fans." Them: "Then why the hell didn't you go there?!"
Stadium Review:
U.S Bank Stadium feels less like a sport venue, and more like a convention hall. Check that: a clean convention hall. I've been to football stadiums all over the country, and I can honestly say that when it comes to ambiance, experiencing one means you've seen them all. You know what I'm talking about; the lingering stench of beer, the smell of stale urine emanating from the bathrooms...this ain't ballet folks. You're there to watch a football game.
That's where U.S Bank Stadium feels so different. Even with cheap seats up in the rafters, I felt like a welcomed guest rather than a piece of meat. The air is clean, and the only smells of food are that of freshly made fried foods. Everything, from the floors to the seats, looked brand new, a pretty impressive feat considering how big it is and how far into the season it is. The ambiance isn't perfect (the bathrooms are public, after all), but it's a hell of a lot better than the dens of drunkeness in Cleveland and Buffalo.
It's a low stress kind of football stadium, featuring good lighting, ample space for navigation, and great views of the turf, no matter where you are staying. The lighting was especially well done, mostly owing to the glass panelling on the outside, offering great views of downtown Minneapolis. Our seats offered a great view of the Minneapolis skyline, and despite being relatively static, it was almost hypnotic in the mid-afternoon sun. In fact, I actually missed a few plays during the actual game because of how saturating the sights were.
A final note: the Vikings have the BEST pre-game entrances. At gametime, a giant Viking warship acted as the entryway for the players. Sound awesome? What if I told you it BREATHED FIRE?! Literally! I could actually feel the heat from it up in the nosebleeds! The Vikings also have a really cool chant that they do, where a guy will bang a massive drum (forgot what it's called) twice, and then the crowd will clap and chant "Skol!" It's pretty surreal, listening to an entire football stadium go quiet for this one chant.
Recap: Vikings 23 Bears 10
The game itself wasn't all that much to look at, which probably lends to why I got distracted by the sights of the stadium. Once again, the Bears proved that only their special teams and defense are competent, at the very least, while Mitchell Trubiskey continues to crap the bed. The Bears marched into the Red Zone twice, only to fall apart because John Fox is a friggin' idiot. Even without him though, are the Bears really that well off? 
As for the Vikings, I think the offense needs a little help. They won soundly, sure, but the offense just seemed tired on Sunday. The defense was absolutely rock solid as always, but great defense needs solid offense to back it up. Other than that, the Vikings are still my favorites to win the NFC Championship this year, and not simply because I'm a fan. Rather, it's because the Vikings fanbase is strong, and their connection to the players was palpable in that stadium. They have the best defense in the league, a good mixed offense, and they have the home field advantage all the way to the Super Bowl (aside from Philly, possibly). Time to bring it home, purple people eaters.

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

OP-ED: Black Monday may be a blessing

It wasn't exactly a happy New Year if you were Jim Caldwell, John Fox, Chuck Pagano, or Jack Del Rio, whose firings were all announced during the two day New Year span. I also suppose it was uncertain if you were Bruce Arians and Marvin Lewis, who appear to be retiring from head coaching positions for good. Now that the axe has finally been lifted, it's safe to say that the NFL will look very different next year, in more ways than one. This may very well be the best thing for all of these teams.

As the L.A. Rams and Buffalo Bills have proven, young blood at the head coaching position can be a shot in the arm for struggling teams. Sean McVay led the NFC West's punching bag from the doldrums of what was once the NFC's weakest division, to Super Bowl contention. The Rams have one of the best offenses in the league, led by a powerful running game and career-defining passing statistics set by one Jared Goff. As much as Jeff Fisher wants to take credit for that, it's obvious that McVay has done a lot more for the Rams than any other washed-up coach they've hired over the past 12 years.

Sean McDermott's debut as the Bills head coach may not have been as explosive, but he's done something no other head coach has: leading a team back to the playoffs for the first time in 17 years. The Bills may still prove to be a laughibly weak wild card team in the AFC East, but there's something different about this Bills squad this year. In years past, the Bills, when faced with adversity, would pack up their bags and call it quits. This is especially true when they lost at home to the Dolphins late last year (speaking of, why isn't Adam Gase on the chopping block?!). This year, however, they stuck to their guns, got a little help from the Cincinnati Bengals (or Baltimore Ravens, depending on how you look at things), and did the improbable.

All six of the NFL's departees were veteran coaches with impressive resumes, sure, but the NFL landscape is changing rapidly, and teams need to adapt. Just look at the playoff picture: eight new teams in the playoffs this year, four of which haven't been to the promised land for over ten years. Sure, these struggling squads have had a lot of help in the drafting department, but players are only as good as their coaches, in most cases at least.

Except, of course, if you're Jack Del Rio. Last year, the Raiders were Super Bowl contenders before Carr went down with an injury. Now? Mediocrity. Carr has fallen back to Earth, and Del Rio can't do anything to bring him back up...because he's not a good head coach. The same goes for Chuck Pagano, who made the AFC Championship back in 2014 on the shoulders of Andrew Luck. Even with a good amount of talented, yet aging, players, the Colts have become a laughingstock. If Pagano was as good a coach as people thought in 2014, wouldn't this team have at least finished at .500? These two cases are proof that high-end talent can make you look like Coach of the Year.

As much as I hate to say it, that's also true of Bruce Arians and Marvin Lewis. The Cardinals have Carson Palmer, Larry Fitzgerald, and a littany of solid running backs. The Bengals have Andy Dalton, AJ Green, and have had solid defenses in years past. Injuries and trades, however, have riddled both squads, and it was once the herd thinned that Arians and Lewis were exposed. Think about it: both teams went 13-3 in 2015, only to don cement shoes and sink to the bottom of the ocean for the next two years. The Cardinals offensive line crapped the bed, while the Bengals offense went from dilly-dilly to the pit of misery. The quality of play sank dramatically for both squads, and you can't blame that on one or two players alone.

That's not to say that all of these coaches deserve to be on the streets. Caldwell's firing is especially questionable: he's led the Lions to 3 winning seasons, after all. While their playoff performances have been equivalent to a toddler running headfirst into a door, the Lions have risen pretty far from the ashes of their 0-16 season back in 2008. That's not all Caldwell's doing, but to blame him for the Lions' bad luck is a bit unfair. Yeah, his 2009 Super Bowl appearance may have been him riding on Peyton Manning's shoulders, but that offensive line he had is, to this day, one of the best I can recall, and you have to give credit where it's due. Besides, the Lions got screwed over in the game against Atlanta, and also beat what's arguably the NFC's best team right now in their prime (the Vikings).

In any case, as I've stated many times already, young blood may be exactly what these teams need. Sean McVay, Sean McDermott...hell, even Kyle Shanahan...all of these head coaches have completely turned their teams around. This is something the Raiders have apparently failed to realize. Instead of hiring someone new, or even someone from out of house, the Raiders have decided to climb in the Delorian and travel back to 2001 to pick up Jon Gruden and make him head coach again. I love the Gruden brothers...but MAN is this a bad idea. If anything, Gruden should be a scout, not the head coach of a team so meh-worthy they're considering moving to Las Vegas. It's time for the Raiders, like every other team I've mentioned, to consider young coaches who can bring fresh ideas to the table.

Which brings us to the Chicago Bears, and John Fox. As much of a clueless redneck that Fox is, the Bears' plight is hardly his fault. His team is run by the McCaskey's after all, who can run an NFL team just as well as Fat Albert can run a marathon. The Bears defense has actually improved immensely under him, actually shutting out the very talented (except for Cleveland) AFC North this year. I just don't think the Bears have the tools necessary to improve, even without Fox, merely because of how the team is run. Questionable draft decisions, terrible stadium deals...the McCaskey's have committed every sin an NFL owner can. The Bears' future is bleak, even with a new head coach.

With so many young teams taking the league by storm, the best way for teams to compliment this evolution is with equally young head coaches. Just look at Mike Tomlin, who's led the Steelers to two Super Bowls in his tenure. He was the youngest head coach in the NFL when he was hired, and he's now one of the best head coaches in the league. Youth and enthusiasm may not always beat treachery and experience, but that doesn't mean one can't lead to the other.